Mama Ponder's Revenge
Houston Stokely was one of
Mama Ponder's cousins. I say 'was' because we lost poor ole Houston to a
heart attack a little while back. Houston was a great guy and every time I
saw him, he had an ear-to-ear smile on his face. I can't remember a time
that he passed our place without ah wave'n and ah yell'n. His funeral procession
must have been two miles long. Ole Houston was also a prankster.
One day Houston stopped by the house and he had this box with him. He said
he had trapped someth'n and didn't know for sure what it was. Well he got Mama
Ponder to peek at it and when she did he flipt the latch and out popt a coon
tail on a spring...right in Mama Ponder's face. It's a thousand
wonders that ole gal didn't drop dead with a heart attack right then and there.
Mama Ponder chased Houston all over the place and ole Houston was ah
heehawing every step of the way. The only words
coming out of Mama Ponder's tater trap were dadblame-its and I'll get you for this
Houston Stokely. Well ole Houston got a good lead on the ole gal the last
lap and hopped in his truck and peeled out of here just ah heehaw'n and ah wave'n.
Of course Mama Ponder hadn't finished dadblam'n him yet and swore to get even.
Some of these mountain folks are real strong on that get even stuff and Mama
Ponder is one of 'em.
Well sir, shortly after that, the Del Rio Ruritan Club started host'n an annual event they
called "Del Rio Days." This event is held the last weekend of
October as I recollect. The first couple of Del Rio Days were very
enjoyable events. They had horse pull'n contests, ax throw'n contests,
crosscut saw'n contests, chainsaw'n contests. Various people and groups
prepared and sold food of all types. The Brushy Mountain Bear Hunter's
Club made the best stew you ever tasted using bear meat.
They drew tickets on a nice
car. People were sell'n them tickets
for several months before hand. Some of the people there came on an ole
timey train from Dilliard, North Carolina. After those round-trip passengers
got offun that train, you could pay a couple of bucks and go for a ride over to
Rogersville, Tennessee and back. All in all most everyone had a great
time. But they screwed up and let Ray Stokely [Houston's brother]
participate in all the events. Now I had already been refer'n to Ray as
Del Rio's Paul Bunyon for some time. Ray had a beautiful Belgium horse
that was huge and of course he took first place in the pull'n contest. And
of course Paul Bunyon can't be beat at chopp'n and saw'n, heck everybody knows
that, so he won those contests also. The Del Rio Days founders should have
learned their lesson dur'n the first event and hired Ray to be the judge of all
of the aforesaid contests because the other people stopped enter'n them.
But they didn't, and that there was the beginin' of the end of Del Rio Days and we all knew it.
It became more commercialized and people come from all over to try to sell
everybody somethin'.
Well the first year after Del Rio Days changed, the Ruritans rented one of those
contraptions they used to have in fairs many years ago. The one where you
paid for three baseballs and you got to throw the ball at a metal bulls eye and
ifun you hit it, the seat a clown was sett'n on in a cage behind the target
dropped him into a big vat of water. Somebody ratted on Houston.
Yes sir, some stool pigeon told Mama Ponder that Houston was gonna be the clown
on a certain day. Let me tell you, as soon as Mama Ponder's brain received
that information and processed it them lil' squinty chinkahpinny eyes of her's
commenced to glitter and she had that 'I know someth'n you don't know' grin on
her face. I knew ole Houston was in ah heap ah trouble right then and
there.
Dutchess was still alive then and Mama Ponder would take that poor naive dog out
into the front yard with a tin-full of my old tennis balls. She would make Duchy
sit and she would pace off the distance and commence to throw those tennis balls
at poor ole Duchy's nose. Duchy was a sweet animal and she would just sit right
there and try to catch the ball. I already knew that Mama Ponder was a
good shot with a basketball and that she could still out run Dorey and that she
still played kickball with the kids in the yard when family visited us and of
course was the Champeen Egg Hunter of the family. Mama Ponder was in her
seventies back then too. Mama Ponder kept this up every day until the day
ole Houston climbed into that cage in his funny-look'n clown outfit.
Mama Ponder bought herself three baseballs to throw at that bulls eye in front
of ole Houston. She dropped Houston all three times. By the time she
threw that third ball, Houston had raised so much cain there was a considerable
crowd gathered. Most of the people knew both Mama and Houston and I'll be
dadblamed ifun they didn't start tak'n turns buy'n more balls to reload Mama
Ponder's arm just to see ole Houston hit that water agin. It wasn't long
before Houston stopped heehaw'n and commenced to begg'n for mercy. They
had several men that took turns in the cage, but ole Houston wanted out of there
and I mean right now. Let me tell you what, that woman nearly drowned that
poor ole boy. Mama Ponder finally took pity on Houston and let him
live....besides, as she later admitted, her arm was plumb wore out.
We all still miss ole Houston sharing our life in this holler. He was always good for a laugh and was the kind of man that would up and give you the shirt right offun his own back.
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