Easter with Mama Ponder - BYOH [Bring
your own helmet]
Ah yes, one of my favorite times of the year is here again. No, not
Spring, I prefer the Fall colors and temperatures. I am talking about
Easter.
Before I married Dorey, Easter was just an all-so-ran
holiday. But now it is a definite contender for the MVH
[most valuable holiday] of the year award. But I was a
little surprised this year, I thought for sure the aig
hunt contestants would show up at the Ponderosa with
helmets and shoulder pads for sure. Hah! This
new generation just ain't made of the same stuff as their
predecessors. Even when Mama Ponder was 74 and she could still bowl aig hunters over with the best of 'em. At the age of 83, Mama Ponder
still has the same ole spirit and the glitter in her eye, but her
knees just plain won't pay her no mind.
Contestants attendin' their first aig hunt at the Ponderosa usually go
into shock their first time out of the starting block. A few years back, my
sister's two little girls, who were 7 & 9 years old at the time [I
think], came here from Knoxville for their first aig hunt, they were
given the position of honor-the #1 and #2 positions comin' off the
porch. Those two sweet little darling' in their lovely Easter dresses
were elbowed, jostled around, and nearly knocked down and trampled
before they had gone fifteen feet from the porch......and that was
just Mama Ponder leavin' the pack behind. By the third hunt, the
youngest sister had stopped bawlin', stuck out her lower lip and dove
in that hunt with the rest of 'em. Mama Ponder is not the roughest hunter,
Carla and Dorey, and now Tye, are even worse than her. If you want
to start a stampede, all you have to do is take a quick step towards a
shrub. At least three screechin' females will immediately pounce on that
thar helpless lil' bush and commence ripping it to bits searchin'
for a non-existent aig.
The grand finale is always an aig hunt just between Carla and Dorey. These
normally sweet gentle ladies under go metamorphosis right in front of
your eyes and turn into Jack Lambert and Sam Huff - minus the helmets and
pads that is.
Here on the Ponderosa, I suggest you consider aig huntin' to
be a spectator sport. Trust me on that. Unless of course,
you happen to be currently employed as a middle linebacker
by the NFL and don't value your knees. Old age must be
finally getting to Mama Ponder. This year, she did not find
the prize aig. Oh, and Dorey, at age 56, finally found the
most eggs in the grand finale.
After the Chinese Fire Drill [egg hunt], we always have to gather 'roun the kitchen table and fight aigs. Mama Ponder and Tye are the most competitive at this sport. One year Tye was so fed up with people cracking her aig with theirs, she found a rock that was shaped just lak an aig and smooth as a baby's bottom. She painted that rock like it was a dyed aig and brought it with her in her pocket to use in the aig fight. She especially wanted to smash Mama Ponder's aig with it and did. But Mama Ponder immediately cried foul and wrestled that aig outun Tye's hand and exposed her trickery. That ol' gal didn't just fall offun a turnip truck,
We accumulated a few sore
spots, but no injuries so I guess all is well here on the
Ponderosa and we all wish you and yours a Happy Easter.
Don Valentine
April 04, 1989
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