The Non-participation Pact of 2003
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Well, I haven't written 'bout Mama Ponder in quiet a while and I told some of ya that was 'cause the ol' gal was put out of action when the doctor ript out most of her gut.  She hasn't been up to nuthin' much that was news worthy since then.

Well now, 'bout two months ago, after a decade of my two female Adult Supervisors  bein' brain-washed by all them swishy-hipt and women interior decorators on HGTV, both Dorey and Mama Ponder have been struck with the interior decoratin' bug.  My two female Adult Supervisors are purt near frothin' at the mouth to re-paint our walls....all of our walls.

Dorey already painted the bathroom walls in our bedroom about two months ago. She painted it a light yeller.  I could smell that evil brain-washin' at work then.  She just re-painted them very same walls a much paler yeller.  The yeller is so light without turnin' on the three lights over the sink you can't tell it from the tone of Antique White whut we painted it with 15 years ago.  But what can you expect from somebody whut has had their brain took out of their skull and washed clean of all thoughts and reasoning?  She re-painted it that yeller 'cause Mama Ponder didn't like the first yeller.  I knew this would happen. Heck, I couldn't believe that they had both agreed on the first yeller.

I don't know a thang 'bout women, but I do know tryin' to get two women that live under the same roof, especially a mother and a full growed daughter, to agree on anythang to do with that house or the yard is like tryin' to get two lawyers to agree on any subject you name, but most especially a point of law. That is why I knew they would change the color of that bathroom's walls agin. Now they're talkin' 'bout doin' ever wall in the whole dadblame house!  Now, when them two females get to disagreein' it sounds jus like the ol' dog done cornered a bobcat in the henhouse.  To my way of thinkin' that is a big fuss.  "No we ain't ah fussin'," says they "we're discussin'."  If men "discussed" any thang like that, heck, they wouldn't be fussin' neither.  They would be tryin' their best to kill each other.

Sooo when my Dorey, who is so sweet hummin' birds chase her, come ah easin' up to my side and said we're goin' to paint the inside of the house and brighten this place up, I asked her if she had a mouse in her pocket.  She lookt at me like a hog ah starrin' at ah watch.  I said, "we" will not include “me” and that is my final word on that.  I am too old to put up with their discussions through an entire house paint job done in a color of their choice.  When the first discussion on that subject starts, I am goin' to pack my toothbrush, a couple of pair of skivvies and jeans and I'm headin' out!  I'm goin' to get somethin' straight between us, like a state or two.  I won't be back until Dorey informs me all them damn walls are painted in a color that both of my sweet female Adult Supervisors have not just agreed on, but have sworn on a stack of bible they love!  Until death doeth them part!

 

I personally gawruntee there will be only two times they will miss me.  One will be when they realize the two of them have to move all that big ass furniture we just bought.  When they try it, they'll be plumb stove up for a week or two for each piece of furniture they try to move and I won't be here to massage their tortured backs.  The only other time they would miss me is when they turn off the lights at night and try to go to sleep.  Them women will worry 'bout all them boogie men and thangs that go bump in the night that might break in there and get 'em.  I ain't ah 'bout to tell them two that if anybody or anythang did break in there and carry them two off, within thirty minutes they would bring them right smack dab back where they got 'em in the first place.  Why shucks, while in their car, Mama Ponder would be liftin' up their feet so she could sweep under 'em and empty the ashtrays out the winder so she could clean that nasty thang up proper. 

I know good and well that durin' the next five years, I will get several more vacations out of this little project of theirs when they have future discussions 'bout them colors they already swore on a stack of bibles they loved because one of them will want to change 'em agin.  Which I gawrantee to happen with any color 'cept Antique White.  That is the only "safe" color for interior walls.

And another thang, them folks at HGTV will be hearin' from me 'bout this.  Might just hire me the greediest most immoral lawyer I can find and sue their pants off of 'em.  Naw, Bill and Hillary already got full time positions and he done had his lawyer license taken away from him.  I'll have to settle for another one.  Anybody know a lawyer that just got out on bail or probation and are lookin' for a sure fire money-makin' winnah?